


Sorrowful Soul

by AngelBonez



Series: SPN One Shots [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Character Study, Coda, Crying, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Emotions, Gen, Good Parent Castiel (Supernatural), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Titles, Jack Kline Gets a Hug, Jack Kline Needs A Hug, Jack Whump, Kinda, POV Third Person Omniscient, Parent Castiel (Supernatural), Season/Series 15, Self-Indulgent, Spoilers, episode 13 coda, season 15 episode 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24584320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelBonez/pseuds/AngelBonez
Summary: Jack is sad, and so so sorry.(Takes place after the last scene of s15ep13)"Jack has never felt such grief, guilt, and pure sorrow. His soul was back, and he could feel again. All he could feel was pain. Pain he caused. Memories flooded his mind and he could see all of the wrongs he committed. He could see the lives lost because of him. He felt such deep shame. He never wanted any of this to happen. He only ever had good intentions - or intentions he hoped were good. He did his best to be Good - that's all he ever wanted. That's all his family ever wanted. "
Relationships: Castiel & Jack Kline
Series: SPN One Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735765
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	Sorrowful Soul

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally in a kinda destiel fic but I found it to be quite developed so natural I cut it from that story and made it it's own thing. This is my first "character study so be nice. Also I apologize for any grammar and formatting errors. It is 2am and I'm tired.

Jack has never felt such grief, guilt, and pure _sorrow._ His soul was back, and he could feel again. All he could feel was _pain._ Pain _he_ caused. Memories flooded his mind and he could see all of the wrongs he committed. He could see the lives lost because of him. He felt such deep shame. He never wanted any of this to happen. He only ever had good intentions - or intentions he hoped were good. He did his best to be _Good -_ that's all he ever wanted. That's all his family ever wanted. 

Jack is sorry. He is so _so_ _sorry_ for _everything_ \- for _Mary_ \- and he needs Dean and Sam to know. He needs to hear them say the words. He needs to see Sam smile again. He needs to hear Dean laugh again.

After pitifully begging for forgiveness from Dean and Sam and the conversation that followed, Jack was tired and shaking and he wanted his Dad - _Castiel._ He wanted to be close to him and be held like the child that he never got to be. He wanted to cry and ball his eyes out. He felt like his chest was imploding as he rasped for air, his throat burning and his eyes watering because as soon as he stepped out of the kitchen his resolve cracked and his suffering poured through the cracks. He stumbled as he blinked rapidly, gasping for air. He felt steady hands grip his arms and a gravelly voice call his name. 

When he was ushered to his room, Castiel's gentle words guiding him along the way, he crumbled a little more on the inside. He could feel the deep worry from Castiel. He could taste the sadness dripping from his grace on his tongue. He remembered in harsh detail how he told Castiel he knew he was supposed to love him but didn't feel that way without a soul. Jack suppressed the response to gag and let out a strangled choke instead. Castiel mumbled words of encouragement as he tried to hold it together for Jack. Every hitch of Jack's breath punched Castiel in the throat and he too struggled to keep from falling apart. It was overwhelming to have Jack back and alive, breathing and eating and _crying._

"Cas," Jack weakly murmured as they approached his room. For a brief moment his sobs softened to just streams of tears on his cheeks. They felt tacky and tasted salty. 

Castiel opened the door and gestured inside as he replied, "Yes Jack?" His heart was breaking, but he wouldn't crack. He would hold it together for Jack.

Jack stood in the middle of his room, facing away from Castiel. His eyes fell to where he used to keep his pet snake and his breath caught in his throat as he remembered the chalky feel of its ashes falling through his fingers. A mercy killing - _murder_ \- 

Jack swallowed, his throat hardly being able to complete the action as he uttered the same words he's been reciting all night, " _'m sorry._ "

" _Jack,_ " Castiel sighed, his voice strained as he shut the door behind him. "You -" He breathed through his mouth as his eyes darted around the room, " You don't need to _apologize_ to _me_." 

Jack turned to Castiel; his eyes red as tears welled within them. He opened his mouth only for weak sounds to escape his parted lips. His eyebrows were screwed together as sadness painted every single feature had. His shoulders slouched and his eyes drooped. His mouth curled sadly, his nose crinkling.

"Here -" Castiel motioned to Jack's bed as he sat on the edge, "Sit." Castiel was afraid Jack might collapse as he swayed on his feet. Emotional exhaustion was dragging him down.

Jack obeyed silently as he sat next to his father. He sniveled and deep sobs pulled at the inside of his chest as he tried to suffocate his cries. He curled his hands into fists. His fingernails pressed at the insides of his palms as he tried to control his breathing.

Castiel looked at Jack, his eyebrows arched up and his lips curved down as he reassured, "I'm just happy you're _alive,_ Jack." He noticed the tight fists Jack held relax slightly at the gentle tone of his voice.

Jack's eyes flicked up to meet Castiel's and he felt the pure sincerity of his words. It only made Jack ache more, his mind being exceptionally cruel to him because he left Castiel. He put up no fight, he didn't stand up for himself, he just let himself die - _no child should die before their parent_ \- Jack shuddered as he felt Castiel pull him into a hug.

Behind the closed doors of Jack's room, Castiel let Jack weep in his embrace. He gently carded his fingers through Jack's hair as violent hiccups rattled the celestial being's form. "I'm s-sorry I-" Jack choked out as he tucked his arms in Castiel's trench coat and around his torso, squeezing him tightly as he whispered, " _I'm sorry I left you._ "

Castiel's hand fell to Jack's back, his movements pausing. He swallowed as he looked at the things Jack has slowly collected in his room. His eyes darted back and forth, emotion bubbling in his chest as he murmured, "It's okay, Jack." He squeezed his eyes shut as he swallowed again. He fought against the quivers of his lips because he couldn't cry and mourn right now. He could only embrace Jack and feel the ethereal relief of knowing he's _alive._ He pushed away the harsh memories of sudden paternal loneliness as his heart started to fill back up.

" _It is?_ " Jack whispered hoarsely as a hiccup bubbled in his throat. 

Castiel hummed, "It is." He rubbed Jack's back soothingly for a moment as he tried to collect himself. Castiel would never forgive himself for letting God kill Jack - even if he was alive again. He will never forget the sheer pain that rattled his being and pulled and poked and prodded at his grace as he watched a demon defile Jack's corpse by using it as a vessel. He will never forget having to kill said demon and destroy Jack's vessel with his own hands. He will never forget. He will never forgive. 

Right now though, his missing pieces were being glued together by the sniffling nephilim in his arms. He squeezed Jack tighter, his arms protective against harsh realities that await both of them before Castiel pulled away. He offered Jack a sad, understanding smile. Jack's eyes were puffy and he hiccuped and shook with residual sobs. He looked tired and worn out, his hair tousled and his cheeks tear stained. He rubbed at his eyes with the ends of his sleeves soaking up any leftover tears. He took in a deep shaky breath as he ran his hands over his face, feeling embarrassed. A faint red tinge tickled the tips of his ears. It was endearing and reminded Castiel of Dean when he got flustered. 

"You should rest," Castiel hoped softly as he folded his hands in his lap, his head tilted slightly. Jack needed to rest. He needed to let his brain sort things out while he slept. Castiel smiled gently and Jack shuddered again, his body overcome with a new powerful emotion - _love._ Love for Castiel, his father. 

"Yeah," Jack breathed before turning to crawl further onto the bed. He burrowed into the blankets as Castiel stood. He turned to watch Castiel reach for the door and he mumbled, "Wait." Castiel turned with his hand on the door handle, his eyes kind and expectant. "Will you stay with me… until I fall asleep?" Jack's voice was small - that of a young child who was afraid of monsters under beds and in closets. Jack looked so fragile as he curled up on his side, pleading eyes peering up at Castiel. 

Castiel's posture slackened as he replied, "Of course." A soft smile found its way back onto his lips as he sat on the edge of Jack's bed. Jack barely moved his fingers and the suddenly the only light in the room was from a small, dim lamp in the corner. Warm dull light cascaded around them and it gave Castiel this comforting glow. Jack couldn't help but stare and admire him quietly. 

Castiel sat with his hands folded neatly in his lap. A smile pulled at his lips. He remembered, Jack is the most powerful being in the universe, and he chose Castiel. Castiel felt warm and almost perfectly content as his thoughts wandered to the times he spent with Jack. He's taught Jack so much, and he still has so much more to teach. It goes both ways though. Castiel finds himself learning from the younger half-angel frequently enough. 

Jack watched Castiel from where he lay. He could make out the slight upturn of his lips and he too smiled and nuzzled closer. He reached a hand out of the blanket to grip at the fabric of Castiel's sleeve. He tugged on it slightly as he whispered, "Cas?" 

Castiel turned his gaze to Jack. The boy's hair was sticking every which way, and he crooned slightly as he reached out to pet it smooth as he hummed in response, "Jack?" This was heavenly. Castiel _missed_ Jack - he missed their conversations. He missed the accomplished look on Jack's face whenever he was proven helpful on a hunt. He missed sharing occasional confused looks. He missed the gentle reprimanding. He missed the teachable moments. He missed being a _father._

Jack's eyes fluttered shut as Castiel brushed hair from his eyes. He was silent for a little while. He enjoyed the gentle caress of Castiel's fingers through his hair. Jack felt safe at home, and he snuggled into his pillow as he pulled his hands up to tuck them underneath it. He felt sleep pull at the corners of his eyelids so he finally murmured softly, " _I love you._ " 

Castiel felt his heart lurch to his throat. He swallowed, his emotions finally catching up to him in this tender bonding moment. "I love you too," Castiel murmured back, his voice faltering slightly as he smiled in the dim room. He heard Jack sigh, and he saw the soft smile on his son's lips as he finally fell asleep. Castiel continued to pet Jack's hair for a moment, his touch ever so gentle as he made sure Jack fell into sleep void of nightmares. When Jack's breathing settled, soft puffs of air blowing through his nose and his chest rising and falling slowly, Castiel finally pulled away. He watched over Jack for a while. Dean and Sam were probably doing whatever they do after a hard conversation. Castiel felt for them too, his boys, whom he had watched over so many times. Tonight, though, Jack needed him most as he twitched in his sleep. Nightmares crawled around the corners of Jack's dreams - memories of when he was soulless - and Castiel quickly soothed them away with a gentle, "Shh, shh, it's okay," or a gentle pet of Jack's hair. 

Jack would sometimes stir to the brink of wakefulness, but Castiel just hummed him angelic nursery rhymes, a look of pure adoration covering his features.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are welcomed and I hope you check out my other works :D


End file.
